One thing that gets on my head is resentment. People with mental blocks that have been caused by unhealthy attachments to bad experiences that have affected their life and got in the way of their happiness. It is like taking poison and expecting the person you dislike to die.
Recently I have re-evaluated parts of my life that have caused me to be negative towards some people. It was while trying to get over my failed exams from last year that made me want to get on with my life. I found a method that helped me to get over the resentment I had towards my tutors. It involves learning to think about what you dislike about the person or group, identifying what makes you resent them, and then thinking about what it is that you might have done that played a part in this.
Holding onto a resentment and obsessing with it can be mentally draining. It clogs up and messes with your head. The average person has thousands of thoughts every day and the negative ones can be damaging to your self esteem and make you withdrawn. It can also interfere with my head when I think about my work. With no room left in my head I can not get down and complete a task. It’s like trying to assemble a giant jigsaw puzzle in a tiny one bed flat. So to get out of that you need to try and assemble that by moving into a barn conversion.
Name the person or thing you resent
Now let’s start with the way to undo the resentment. First name a person or an organisation and list whatever it is that is making you resent them. It can be anything that is stuck on your mind at the moment. Anything that is making your resent that person must go on your list.
How is it holding you down?
Now write another column detailing what it is about that resentment that is affecting your thinking. In my case that resentment affects the ability to judge my actions and I just look for ways to avoid confronting the issue. I just wanted them to get out of my life and let me get on with what I wanted to do. I had been having this grudge and mistrust with this person at the time thinking that there would be no independence for me to do the course the way I wanted. I felt like I was being punished for being intellectually rebellious. Later I realised that I had to let it go and stop fighting them because there was something on my part that led to me failing my exams.
Where does your fault lie?
Then we come to the fourth column. Your part in your resentment. What is it that is making it hard for you to let go? Is there something you did that is making you hold onto this resentment that caused the problem in the first place? Surely there is something you did that contributed to this problem. We all have our reasons for what made us resentful of people or things. But you can’t put all the blame on the person that caused your misgivings. Be honest with yourself, think what you have on your mind that is driving you to be hateful that you did wrong.
One thing that I have learned from my own experience is that I did not give myself time to think. I was throwing myself into things that were not all that helpful to me. Last year I volunteered as an athlete service attendant at the European Championships in Glasgow. At that time I was going through a moment of resentment towards my tutors for not giving me enough support in passing half my modules and I was very reluctant to take resits. I thought that they were patronising me with their demands just because I didn’t answer the questions in the paper concisely. In the end I realised that I had to take the resits and I was very annoyed because of what followed next. I left it too late to take the summer resits and I had to let a year pass until the next year.
There was also a double blow to my misfortune. It was only then that I realised my resentment had compromised my ability to reason with myself. Thinking unclearly blew my whole plans up right in my face. After that I started re-evaluating everything in my life and thinking about what I could have done better if I had the chance to start that summer all over again. So I decided to give up volunteering at sports events and commit myself to volunteering for sports in a different way. Instead of servicing athletes or spectators I will network with sports associations to push my campaign.
Now I feel more happier than ever having let go of that grudge and I think I can get on with achieving something better. I have been stuck in a deadlock with my academic career for years all because I couldn’t take the time to think it through.