Finding a Way to Express Yourself

I had an exchange of words with a friend about how we talk of our disabilities. I find that my aspergers does constrain my ability to communicate but at least I don’t repeat my words too often. I have a habit of speaking in a pattern using the same tone in some situations. With a neurological disorder communication is too difficult for a child to make but when it comes to adulthood it’s mastering our words that becomes a daily struggle to fit in. Some autistic children don’t even speak until they are in their infant ages from 3-5 and in some cases don’t start reading until they are aged 6-7. That depiction of handicap can show just how difficult you’ll fit in with the mainstream.

There was this a period of my life when I had a lack of attention to my abilities. In that period I was trying to fit in with a group of people who I liked but it didn’t work out as well as I thought. In 2006 there was a sci-fi convention that I went to where I had started to enjoy my ability to be independent. A woman who I befriended understood that I had aspergers but was critical of the way I was trying to fit in. I didn’t take it in a hateful way but I felt embarrassed and annoyed that I couldn’t fit in very well. Maybe it was just that I was trying to fit in too hard. A hurtful remark like that saying that I shouldn’t bother drums up memories of when I was told not to fit in at school. I remember my study support tutor telling me not to bother with trying to mix with the other kids. That was before I was properly aware of my disability, they should have given me some social skills classes instead of just shunting me aside.

At home things were no better. My parents and I don’t see each other eye to eye and that is bad for a person with autism. They never made any effort to try to give me some remedy for my disability. When I was diagnosed at age 9 my mother had already divorced from my dad and had starting seeing my stepdad. I never really liked having him in my life and I wanted to say it but I couldn’t communicate properly because of my mental issues. This is very inappropriate for a mentally disabled person’s upbringing. The horrors that can unleash will lead to self-destruction and in some cases it leads to a psychotic breakdown.

Ignorance like this made an insufferable fool out of me and I wish I had better options to get on with people. The way of equality for me as a disabled person was that I am defeated and vulnerable and I shouldn’t be allowed to achieve any form of advancement. I was absolutely introverted and more interested with the inner workings of my mind, rather than what was going on around me. It was no good for my mental issues and I was deliberately being made to suffer.

What can you do to improve your abilities to express yourself. Well I think you need to let people be able to express yourself. Earlier this year I took part in a disability awareness campaign called ‘I am Able’ at Essex University where I and several other students showed off our best qualities with a hash tag and picture showing our best qualities. This was an exercise of self-expression that showed how vulnerability is irrelevant. All that is needed is the will to say ‘I am better than what you think I am. Go on and listen to me.’ Try teaching autistic people how to communicate before you silence them.

One comment

  1. Mainstream communication and mainstream society itself are often vastly over rated. (Vastly!) Those with autism and Asperger’s Syndrome may actually represent the communication of the future. Look at the amazing work of Temple Grandin 🙂

    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

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